One question I regularly ask students is whether or not their recent behaviours have been in line with their values. A typical response to this question is “what do you mean by values”? Perhaps not surprisingly, many students, and adults for that matter, confuse goals with values. Whilst goals are an important aspect of achievement, I believe we should pursue these whilst keeping our values at the forefront of our minds.
Goals are often defined by something in which you can “tick off ”. Examples include, getting married, buying a house, and having children. On the other hand, values are directions in which you wish your life to move in. For example, if you want to be a loving, caring, supporting partner, that is a value – it is an ongoing process. Worth noting is the fact that a person can achieve their goals but not live by their values. For example, once you are married, you are married – even if you start treating your partner badly.
Goals are indeed incredibly powerful. In fact, studies show they are important long term predictors of success. The fact goals can be achieved helps to explain why they are motivational. We enjoy the feelings of success they bring when we accomplish them; and as humans, we are intrinsically goal oriented. Our minds are hardwired, such that we enjoy the feeling of purpose and reward goals offer.
Some of the drawbacks of goals are that we have a tendency to set them without ever really examining the reason why we set them; and in some circumstances, we set goals that are unrealistic. This can be potentially destructive. Another drawback to goals is they cannot be achieved right now, and as such, goals can be potentially poor motivators in the short term.
Values on the other hand can never be “ticked off ”. It is because of this factor that values retain their motivational properties long after a goal has been achieved. Whilst a person’s goal of getting married may be achieved, their value of acting as a loving partner can never be – it is an ongoing process. In this way, values can bring us closer to living ‘in the moment’. To live a life in line with ones values, is to consistently make decisions and take actions which are congruent with their hearts desires.
If we become overly goal oriented and neglect our values, our quality of life can diminish. We become rigid in our thinking, spend free time planning, and forget what is really of importance – the here and now. Ask yourself this question: when your time on this earth comes to an end, what do you want to be remembered for, is it the things that you have achieved or the type of person you were?
Chris Clements, Pulteney Grammar School Psychologist
